How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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