she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So many bounce houses so little time
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
