Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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