Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize