He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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