We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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