This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
