I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
