I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
