dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
