How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
