I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
