i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
