How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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