evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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