I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
