Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
