he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
