dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
