I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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