Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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