watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When are your genitals available?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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