4 words: hood of his car
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
