It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
