I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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