I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Naked Twister starts at high noon
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Randomize
