i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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