I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
