Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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