i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
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He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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