I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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