Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
