So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
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How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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