At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize