You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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