I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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