I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
