You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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