Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
