and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just high enough for therapy.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
