When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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