i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
