You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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