Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
