Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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