First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dear god my vagina.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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