I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
