just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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