I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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