That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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