I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
