well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
PANTIES FOUND
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