At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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