Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
