Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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