My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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