I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
