Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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