Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
please come you make the beer taste better
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
please don't ironically join a cult
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