On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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