She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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