So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
