Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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