It's like a parade of train wrecks.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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