You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
