i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
