Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
